What's wrong with me? When I tell people that my husband is in Utah visiting our (his) youngest son, everyone thinks it's a great deal - alone time to do exactly as I please. Read a book, go shopping. Enjoy the solitude. The problem is that usually what I'm pleased to do is to hang out with my husband. And contrary to most people, I can do the solo thing only so long. Then I want someone to talk to. When L and I travel, he plugs in his i-Pod for the duration of the flight, and he's as happy as a clam. Me? I'm looking around for someone who looks like they might be interesting and friendly. I've met some really fascinating people that way, and it would have been a shame to have ear buds in my ears instead. L doesn't see it that way - if he doesn't have to talk to another human, he's thrilled. Another problem is that I sit for 8 hours a day at my job. When I'm home I like to be out doing something - which I could do, but I don't really like doing things alone. Is that wierd?
L and I are in the habit of going for evening walks. If we go at twilight there are swarms of knats flying all over, so we usually wait for dark. I didn't go last night because I was a little nervous to go out by myself in the scarey dark. (It's amazing how I can talk myself out of things like excercise...) So I didn't, and when I woke up this morning I was 2 pounds heavier. Now this is only partially because I didn't walk my usual 2 miles. The other part is that my body has gone freaking crazy, and nothing makes sense anymore. I can eat, and lose weight. I can eat next to nothing and put on 5 pounds. Normal rules do not apply anymore, it seems. So, as a result, I'm constantly gaining and losing the same 3 pounds. This would be OK, but I need to lose about 25-30 of them. *sigh* Welcome to menopause.
Same thing with sleeping alone. I had to leave the living room light on all night, because for sure that will keep the crazy spooky things at bay. I guess when I slept by myself before I married my husband, I had my kids home to keep me company. This weekend it's just the TV on very loud for company. I'm beginning to realize what a baby I am about being on my own, and I'm a little embarrassed by it. It's odd too, because I used to do all kinds of things - always a project in the works. And then I started working full time, and it kind of disappeared. Never enough time. Somehow, I need to find that woman again and give her a swift kick. Or maybe a hug.
So tomorrow I have a haircut scheduled, and some errands to run. A book to find. The weather turned glorious so I'd like to be in the sun and do some gardening. I want an herb garden, and so far I have rosemary and basil. I've been using them when I cook and it's been a delicious adventure. I can browse the herbs at Home Depot tomorrow and choose some sage, and maybe some mint. Or maybe something I haven't even thought of. Oooo the possibilities!
So wish me luck on my solo weekend. I don't want to totally hate it. I'd like to conquer whatever it is that makes me so lonely with myself. Because I need a good friend in these situations, and it might as well be me.
PS: My laptop ate it's own hard drive today, so I'm having to bang this out on L's Mac. See... he's gone, and...well we already covered that. Anyway, luckily the Mac was freed up. So I'm sorry there are no pics to liven this up. I'm just not used to manuevering on this thing.