Daily Affirmation

The best things in life are free.
The second best are very expensive.
- Coco Chanel

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Conspiracy Theory

I had a doctor's appointment this morning.  Just routine, but to back up, this doctor is sort of specialized.  Her thing is healing you from the inside, which doesn't sound unusual, I agree,  but she's not a proponent of using prescription drugs to do it.  She has you do copious lab work, and she measures every last homocysteine and glucose particle.  It is her passion, and the thing that she is most passionate about is banishing the metal particulates from your system.  When I first started she scared me with her talk of metals in the air, in our food, in EVERYTHING, and how harmful they were.  I paid $100 to do a test that gathered and measured the metals in my system.  (Turns out my metal levels aren't all that high)  She wants you to give yourself suppositories that gather and eliminate the metals in your system (that didn't last long with me - maybe 2 or 3 times was all I could take).  My point being, when I started with her, I was that sick.  I had recently been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and I felt like crap.  Something was swollen and painful every other day.  I was taking 15-20mg of prednisone, and was round and chubby faced from them.  Someone I work with recommended Pasty Doctor (I call her that because she's so pale and appears far from the picture of health herself: overweight, pale, bad skin.  I doubt she gets out of her office much, other than to lecture here and there.)
Within 4 months of starting on her regimen of enzymes, minerals,  Juice Plus, Vitamins D and B, and probiotics I was a changed person.  It's taken a few years, but I'm healthier, I never have RA flareups anymore (knock on wood), and my holy of holies lab work is markedly improved, and decidedly on the healthy side.  She worked on healing  my body so it would fight back on it's own.  Now, she can start explaining to me about my SED levels and glucose and homocysteines and hormones, and I'll understand in that moment, but I can never revisit the topic with anyone else.  My understanding is tenuous at best, but I do understand that I feel a lot better.  After a lot of money.  But hey - it's your health, right?  And I've got grandchildren to keep up with.
Pasty Doctor is eccentric.  She's a nut on metals, as I said.  She's also an enemy of carbs.  And in my case, an enemy of fruit, fructose, corn syrup, sugar, wholgrains, and all things carbalicious and/or delicious.  There are, in all, 16 things that I am to avoid in my diet, from the common offenders dairy products and cane sugar, to cranberries and celery.  Its not that difficult, but it is annoying, because I love cheese and bread and sugar.  But I try to avoid them.  Except for the cheese.  I've switched to soy milk, the bread (when I eat it) is sourdough (to avoid the yeast!), and I really do try to limit sugar, whether it's in cane form or fruit form.  The daily wrestle with myself is worth it because I am better.  So. Much. Better.
She has other eccentricities, however.  She is fond of quoting Bible verse during appointments.  But ok - nice that she's religious, I guess.  One of my friends that sees her said during her last appointment Pasty Doctor went off on how the world was going to end at Easter (this would have been this past Easter).  And also something about aliens.  We were laughing too hard at that point and I can't remember.  It's kind of like, if she didn't say it to me, then it's not that weird, but... it is weird.  And troublesome that she says it to patients.
But at today's appointment, she and I passed into the Twilight Zone together.  It started off OK.  She asked how I liked the crazy weather we'd been having (79 degrees in July, and cloudy/foggy every morning).  I said it was OK with me.  Then, my friends, she looked me straight in the eye and said "The government is controlling the weather now, you know."  *Blank stare* {Swallowing} 
"Hmmmmm...." I said.
"Oh yes," she said, "you know all of those streaks you see in the sky that look like clouds?"
{Me wide eyed and sort of nodding poilitely}
"Well, that is the government putting metals in our air and that changes the weather patterns."
"Hmmmm..." I said.
That little exchange ended and we got on to the subject of the results of my latest labs, which were so stellar I forgot to look at her funny for a few minutes.  Then she told me I'd done so well that I would receive a gold star on my chart.  I kid you not.  She got out the gold star and affixed it to my chart so that I could proudly show it off to the front office girls.
I'm not quite sure what to do now.  I kept looking around for someone I could take aside and whisper my concerns to, but it didn't happen.  Plus, when I took my gold starred chart up to the front, to my (hopefully) front office girl allies, one of the girls started to do a little dance in my honor.  Clearly, odd behavior is the norm here.  I'm not sure these people would recognize paranoia if they saw it.  But paraniod or not, the fact remains that Pasty Doctor has helped me in a big way.  I'm laughing, yes (because I don't know what else to do right now) but I am also feeling compasssion (see how I tie that in?  Good stuff) for her.  She has a great mind, and she loves her patients. I don't know if she is just a conspiracy nut or if she is truly losing it.  So seriously, what would you do?
Other than those oddball (yet seemingly harmless) comments, she appears to function well.  She doesn't believe in indefinitely using prescription drugs (she cures the disease by healing what is not well within the body, rather than masking symptoms) so no fear that she will kill someone with a weird dosage of something.  My next appointment isn't until March, so I have until then to think things over.  She's done me so much good that I'm afraid to quit going to her, although she's bizarre, to say the least.  But she did give me a gold star.  And they did the dance in my honor.  I was going to knuckle bump, but thought I'd leave well enough alone.


  1. Ummm... wow. The sad thing is, is that I heard someone just last week say that the contrails left by airplanes, was not in fast cold air + hot air= thin trailish clouds, but that they were tiny microphones that the government spies on us with. They must frequent the same conspiracy theorist websites.

    Advice for what to do about your good, but clearly strange, doctor: Listen to your gut or the Holy Ghost- whoever talks to you first. If you feel creeped out- it's time to move on, but if not- smile and nod a lot.

  2. Yeah - I wasn't creeped out. It just made me feel kind of sad. But I just smiled and nodded a lot and said "Hmmmmm."

  3. LOL, whatta weirdo! I say if she's helping look past her weirdness, if you feel creepy there is a reason why and move on. Sounds like you're not creeped out so maybe just practice your compassionate face on her, hahaa! Maybe that will in turn creep her out! She makes for good blogging anyway!

  4. Oh, my gosh, what a hoot! I was laughing as I read.

    I'm with everybody else...If she's helping you, ignore the strange stuff. She's getting results, so it doesn't seem to affect her competence as far as giving you what you need goes...

    But she is definitely a nut job. And it's pretty ironic that she apparently doesn't follow her own medical advice.


  5. If she starts scanning your body for trace governmental metals, drop the chick.


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