Daily Affirmation

The best things in life are free.
The second best are very expensive.
- Coco Chanel

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Fun With Wendy & Lori

I just got home from the nicest evening out I've had in, well, I can't remember when.  I've lived in this area for 17 years.  I raised my kids, met my husband, got married (again), sent two sons on missions, put on or participated in 4 kids' weddings, celebrated the arrival of 4 grandchildren, and will soon rejoice in the arrival of another.  The one thing I've really not done in all these years of living here?  Had any really good girlfriends.  I mean, I've had good friends, but they didn't live here.  In my area.  In my state.  I've had acquaintances, I've had friends sort of, but not the kind of friends you can sit at dinner with for hours and discuss anything and everything from life's disappointments to Glen Beck. (Bad example because for a lot of us life's disappointments and Glen Beck are one and the same)  But you know what I mean.  No judging, no putting your best face forward, just real discussion.  Compassion, sympathy, laughing, joy in the great time you're sharing.  Joy in the Diet Cokes.  That's the kind of time I had tonight, and it's been a long time coming.
Probably mostly my fault.  I'm not a joiner.  My daughter in law and I were discussing this the other night.  It's hard for us to imagine that others have as hard a time reaching out as we do.  We tend to sit back and wait for everyone else to make the gesture, and when they don't we feel hurt.  It's only (lately) when I've realized this about myself, and have made a conscious effort to smile the first smile or say the first word that I've seen people respond.  Because I've been nice, and I've been friendly.  I haven't been that sulky person who looks like she might not be nice if you talked to her.  (Shy people look like that a lot, you know - it's smoke and mirrors.  It's a defense.)  I told Ronna that I'd been having some good results and that I felt happier, but I'm still a work in progress.  (Aren't we all...)  We agreed we'd both try to do this and work to improve ourselves to a point that it felt comfortable.  We are envious of Katie who does this in a seemingly effortless, fearless way.  I've never known Katie to be without friends for more than 5 or 10 minutes.
Anyway, my point is that it's too bad it took me 17 years to figure this out.  But I'm glad I figured it out.  Our girlfriends are a wonderful support.  They get it.  They understand what a unique thing it is to be a woman, and how crazy and wonderful it can be.  Husbands are irreplaceable - L gets me in a way that no one else does - but every so often I do wish he were more girl-like.  And that's where the girlfriends come in.  It was great to get out and laugh and discuss life's absurdities, problems, and fears with ladies who are sympatico.  I'm tired and it's late.  But I feel refreshed.  And I can't wait to do it again.

8 comments:

  1. OH I'm so glad you had a good time! And don't be fooled, I get intimidated when I don't know people. I just know what it feels like to be knew so if I see someone at church I've never seen before I always approach them so they won't feel the way I did when nobody noticed me. I think I'll be able to make more friends once we're settled. I haven't put myself out there much this go round.

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  2. Good job, Karen! We all need some girlfriends (ready and available, in our area) to hang with. And it sounds like you picked some good ones.

    I had to laugh at the Glenn Beck comment.

    ;)

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  3. I'm a bit of a loner too..oh, I have women I consider friends, but the really close ones are few...I tend to stay at home because I'm working everyda and I just like to stay put once I'm in the door! Glad you had fun and hopefully you will be able to do it again soon!

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  4. I used to feel like that too and then had the same epipheny! I now ask friends to lunch or shopping or on home tours...anything I wish to do with a friend. Sometimes I enjoy going with my daughter and sometimes...just alone.
    You are right though,...it's fun and refreshing and renewing of the friendship, especially if you can pick friends who make you laugh!! Glad you had a good time!

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  5. I am glad you had fun. I too am a loner. I too sit back and wait for others to make the first move.

    Some times I am better than others.


    Anyway as far the Chili goes.
    Buy Chipotle peppers in adobo sauce and then puree them. They come in a small can in the Mexican food isle at the grocery store.

    Good luck.

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  6. I think my new calling as Visiting Teaching Supervisor will really help me in this area. This week I made 12 calls to women I've never meet before in our new ward, and found most of them were very nice. Even talked to 2 or 3 for more than 5 min.

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  7. I'm not a joiner either. So glad you had such a lovely evening--a breath of fresh air.

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