I've been absent this week. I'm sorry. I just couldn't work up the energy to write anything. My life is all up in the air, I don't know what's going on with my job, I miss my little grandkiddies, I'm worried about how Katie and Zach will handle the big move to Boston, Scott had an important interview (it went great!), and now Rex has something big coming up, but isn't saying what quite yet. On and on. Tortuous to a mom. To add to the pile, I found out last week that I will indeed have to fly up to San Francisco to interview for the new position at work. That's kind of exciting, but I wasn't planning on it, so now I need to get something to wear for the interview, and for some reason that really threw me.
Our little office is pretty casual. Suits or dresses? Never. Pumps or heels? No. I'm used to wearing casual slacks or skirts, and sandals when it's warm, or boots - even Ugg boots - when it's cold. With my old, arthritic ankles, heels are a thing of the past. But now I have to interview and I realize I have no proper shoes, and I really don't even have a proper interview outfit. So to add to the pressure I'll need to go out and find something suitable, and - being the impatient shopper that I am - I'm not looking forward to it.
So with all of the uncertainty and nonsense swirling around me this past week, I've found myself a little down. I've come home from work each night feeling like I was in a little funk. Not downright unhappy, but not optimistic like I usually am. I'm not sleeping well, and it shows.
Last night was the icing on the cake. L and I had gone to the temple to the last session starting at 8:00. I was feeling fine, but I was just having trouble concentrating. I was stiff and sore, and that made me have even more trouble concentrating. By the time we came home I was tired and it was time for bed. I think I slept for a few minutes, but when I woke up I couldn't settle back down. I was up most of the night, not being able to fall asleep until somewhere between 3:30 and 4:00am. I tried moving to my office and snoozing on my chaise but that didn't work, so I dragged my achey old bones back to bed, hoping I wouldn't wake up L.
Needless to say, when it was time to get up for church, I couldn't do it. My eyes ached along with the rest of me. L got up, and went to his early meeting and I couldn't even move. He came back and I was still in bed, and just waking up. He said he'd felt super tired this morning too (I felt guilty - probably my fault being restless all night!) and so he'd stopped off and gotten a Diet Coke and a doughnut. He said he couldn't believe how good that sugary doughnut and soda had tasted. (I could well imagine.) He laid down on the bed with me and we talked about nothing for the length of Sacrament Meeting. So enjoyable. About the time Sunday School started, he told me to go back to sleep. I did. When I woke up, he was just leaving to go to the third hour meeting. I got up, washed my face, put on my Crest White Strips, and threw in some wash. I felt a lot more rested. Funny how that is - just about the time church is over... (don't be like me.) It reminded me of Fast Sundays when I lived in New Jersey. My friend (also named Karen) would slip out, walk to her house, cook a fast mini pizza, grab a bottle of No-Cal and walk back to church, eating as we went, and arriving just in time for it to be over. Yes, it was bad. No, I was not improving myself. At all. But it still makes me laugh to think about it. And a little nostalgic.
I swear - I always go, but today, it felt so good to play hooky. I'm not proud of it, but I did get the rest I needed, and I was able to get things done. And I was able to think a few things through, which I wouldn't have done being surrounded by people at church.
I had a small burst of domesticity in the late afternoon. I threw in a roast, L made a salad with homemade croutons, and some cornbread. There were some blueberries losing their freshness in the fridge and I made some blueberry scones with a hint or orange zest. And then, to top it off, we made 10 individual little pies from some leftover apple pie filling. To be sure, I don't need to be eating small apple pies or tons of scones. But there's plenty to share with our work friends, and it just felt good to bake. It made me feel accomplished and I like having a small bounty of goodies to give out.
This week will be a four day work week. On Friday we leave for a small vacation to the Motherland (Utah). It'll be good to see Andrew and my brother Matt and his family. And my blogging friend Jess! We'll go to conference and visit with family and friends. It'll be good to get away from work and worry for a little bit. I can't wait to meet Jess. I hope she doesn't think I'm weird.
So that explains my writing hiatus this past week. I'll try to get back the wit and sparkle this week. One nice thing that happened though: Mia called me on the phone to invite me to her birthday. Because she's going to be 5, and that's a very big deal. First Lexi turns 5 in April, and then Mia in June. Buckle up: these little girls are headed for big stuff ahead. Serious. Big. Stuff.