I'm better today. I've spent the last two days feeling numb and depressed. I've worked and felt resentful. I went to the dentist and got my teeth sparkling clean. (I liked that part.) Everywhere I go, I picture myself working there. So far, nothing has felt like a solid fit. I've reached out to business friends, and I'm meeting one for dinner next week. Networking, networking, networking.
L has been sick and I haven't wanted to stress him out any more than I already have. So we hadn't talked about anything for the last 2 days. I felt sooooo alone. It felt like I was going through it solo. Today we talked. L was home sick (feeling better though) and at lunchtime we went for a walk in the warm sunshine. It felt great. The neighborhood is a completely different place during the week in the daytime. Moms out walking with their babies, older men strolling, retired folks out washing cars or tinkering in their garage. It felt good to get out and walk in the middle of the day, and finally get to talk about what just happened.
L understands. He always understands. He went through a layoff himself 5 years ago. He recognized the phases I'm going through and told me it will get better. We'll be fine.
Another good friend in Washington lent me her expertise on the subject of unemployment and took some of the mystery out of WhatToDoNext. We had a long long talk last night and we comforted each other in many areas on many different levels. She is such a good friend and I always feel good after a long visit with her.
One of my sales reps who also was just laid off called me again today. I felt like I was doing slightly better than he is. Of course, in his case, there was a lot more money lost, so that's part of it. But he's like me - just feeling a little WHAT THE HECK??!? We're not sure how this all happened (although in talking to many people it's becoming more clear, and it all has to do with numbers and quotas and not so much with performance.) We just wrestled crocodiles and lost. But we'll take it a day at a time, get organized, and figure it out. Maybe we'll throw in a lunch date next week. That would be nice - he was/is one of my favorites.
So I'm in search of the answer to What Do I Want To Do? for the next 7 years or so. I've been thinking it would be nice to have something less hectic, less chaotic, less stressful. A quiet office, a peaceful space - that all sounds so nice. But let's be real: I'll accept just about anything that's offered within reason. But I'm so all over the place that I could have a completely different opinion tomorrow. The point is that I'm feeling better and more optimistic. And I can almost hear opportunity knocking.
On a different note: what's everyone doing for Mother's Day? I feel like I'm just coming out from under water and I'm waaaay behind schedule on a lot of things. I'd like to steal some of your good ideas because I have no plan.