Daily Affirmation

The best things in life are free.
The second best are very expensive.
- Coco Chanel

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

It Hasn't Been A Good Day

I suppose I should just get all the bad news out at once, and then we can move on to happier things:

I did not get the job.  I should have gotten the job, but I didn't.  I wasn't given any reason that made sense, and some of the ladies who did get it are not nearly as qualified as I am.  That said, I suppose I could drive myself crazy wondering why, but in the end it really doesn't matter.  I just didn't get the job.
I've gone from angry to hurt to sad to scared and through it all again 10 times over.  I really feel like hiding in a dark place but I realized that a blog is not really a blog unless you can be real on it.  And this is real, folks.  I have no freaking idea what I'm going to do.
All day long I've had my big girl panties on and I've put on a brave face.  But I'm kind of tired now and the brave face isn't looking very brave anymore.  I have to plow through 2 more months of this job (unless I find something else) and it's going to be really hard to give it my all in my usual manner.  I'm going to have to really force myself.  Because I'm angry and hurt and scared.  Corporate politics are the devil.
So now I'm going to try to remember all the good advice I've spouted to all of you in your darkest hours.  I need to remember that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  This door is closed (or closing, anyway) but another will open.  It will.  And it will open onto something that is better for me.  I just need to be patient, do whatever I can to facilitate moving on, and Heavenly Father will take care of the rest.  I shouldn't worry and fret.  It will make my RA worse, make me tired, and give me lines and circles around my eyes.  But it's hard, isn't it, to not worry - to not waste energy trying to control something you can't really control.
And then there's a little humiliation mixed in there.  I was so sure I was going to get this position.  There was practically no way I could miss.  And there wasn't - but I didn't factor in stuff that makes no sense at all, and there's always a lot of that in big companies.
So I'm not going to beat a dead horse here.  This post will be short.  I just thought you all should see me when I'm at my ranting worst.  When I don't feel like a nice person.  When I have no pretty phrases to type and I haven't showered or gotten out of my sweats all day.  (that will change shortly...)  When I'm hurt and I don't care who knows it.
Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully I'll be a better, more professional and mature person.  Tomorrow I'll try to keep positive thoughts in mind, and realize that it's their loss.  But tonight I can't help hoping for a little sweet revenge.

13 comments:

  1. I don't know what to say. I do not want to say the cliche' things so I just want you to know that I really do feel a heartfelt "I'm sorry" - it truly sucks big time!"

    {{{Hugs}}} my friend

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  2. What a slap in the face! I'm so sorry. I can tell by your post that you know things will get better but it's hard until you see that next door open. Hang in there! We're all pulling for you.

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  3. I'm so sorry Mom! Believe me, Zach and I know exactly how you feel about things not making sense, and we also know what its like to have Heavenly Father's hand completely guide us through this process and we've ended up on a much better end of things! The same will happen for you. Hang in there. Love you Schischter!

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  4. Everything you wrote here makes perfect sense to me. I would feel all of the same things. I'm even feeling a few of them vicariously.

    That company sucks. And they wouldn't recognize a good thing if it were staring them in the face.

    Sheesh.

    "/

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  5. Oh no!! I was so hoping it would all work out for you Karen. There are a lot of us out here that are disappointed that you didn't get that darned job. You probably would have hated it anyway, or at least the people you would have worked for. It is hard though, to have to gear up and face reality. I just hope that something better pops up for you. I've been there and done that and it does suck. I'm going to hope and pray for you Karen and I know you are a strong person, so keep that chin up and hang in!!

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  6. Dang it Karen. I hate it when bad things happen to good people. Thanks for sharing the hard things with us. You are in my prayers.

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  7. Sorry Karen, that wasn't Joey...it was me.

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  8. You are handling it better than I would. I would just shrivel up and spend the next month hiding from the world and imagining all sorts of scenarios where the company falls apart without me working there.

    But then thats me.

    And I'm a mess.

    And you are brave and amazing even when you are thinking you are not! I am really sorry for your loss--I will be hoping for your new adventure to make itself known soon....

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  9. That just sucks! Sorry to hear this news. Good for you for venting real issues on your blog, you're right what is a blog for if you cant be real. Writing or blogging about my troubles seams to help me sometimes. I'll keep you in my prayers that something comes up. Love you

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  10. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure that Heavenly Father will find you a bigger, better, funner job. And then you'll breathe a sigh of relief. Until then I'm holding my breath with you!

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  11. Let’s get real here Karen, unless you are legally bound or going to lose out financially throw the towel in now, and leave them in the lurch that they are going to leave you in in two months time. You now know that you mean nothing to them and never have, are you a man or a mouse. This is the exact reason I am a strong believer in UNIONS.

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  12. Sorry for the comment Karen. It was more of a facebook friends comment than a blog lurkers comment, I just got carried away by the way you have been treated.

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