Daily Affirmation

The best things in life are free.
The second best are very expensive.
- Coco Chanel

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Have Some Cheese With That Whine?

Today was the day I had to meet my "successor" and my boss to hand over all of my cosmic information about key accounts and my contacts in each one, and any other information that will help her be successful.  Grrrrrr...  I struggled mightily with it.  When I was first asked to do it, I hung up the phone and cried.  Not that I expected the world to stop or anything, but a little less business as usual would have been nice.  I toyed with the idea of giving her some information, but leaving out key details.  How delicious.  A recipe for disaster.  That would show them.  *heavy sigh*  In the end, my better self won out and I sang like a canary.  I just couldn't walk away knowing I'd not done my best.  But oh... I wish you could have seen my Academy Award winning performance.  I was kind.  I was gracious.  You wouldn't have ever guessed how truly resentful I was feeling.  At one point I could feel my boss  watching me - probably looking for some kind of sign that I was ticked off.  After nine years he knows me pretty well. I just never met his eye, and I'm sure he knew it was on purpose.  At the end of the meeting, when there was nothing left to say, I got up to leave, I was thanked, I lied and said it was my pleasure, and I walked down the hall to the office of my old coworker Teresa so we could go to lunch.  
What a relief it was to get outta there!  Teresa is British and has such a wicked sense of humor that only the  British seem to have.  She had me laughing in no time.  She was good medicine for me today and I'm truly grateful for her friendship.  We laughed and noshed and gossiped at Prego's over big bowls of pasta, and it was like no time had passed since we'd all moved out of our old office.  I was so lucky to have worked with such great girls for the nine years I was there.  So. Lucky.
So now what?  I'm just going through the motions every day.  Some days I'm busy all day, and other days I have plenty of time to do the wash, play Scrabble games on my i-Phone, or read a book.  I'm sure my last day of work will come all too quickly.  I tell myself I'm looking forward to getting all of the work crap and paraphernalia out of my office (the phone, the extra files, the laptop), but it's going to be a hard day all the same, and reality will set in.  Teresa says she will plan an extravaganza for my last day so we have some laughs.  I'll need them.  I really will.  She has the knack of making me feel sassy and important, rather than deflated and depressed.
What I'm trying most not to do is to let desperation set in.  I don't want to feel inadequate or like a big loser.  I've gone through a couple of days like that already and it wasn't pretty.  I'm trying to keep up the belief that there really is something better in store for me, for us.  I'm trying not to be scared - scared that I won't find another job, scared that I'll disappoint my husband, scared that I won't be able to afford to get my hair done and get pedicures anymore.  ( I KNOW - that's a very petty fear, but I've grown comfortable with those luxuries and I really really like them...) I also love to buy my grandkids things and having a job allowed me to do lots of spoiling.  With them all so far away, it's been something that's helped me feel more connected to them.  
So there will be changes.  Perhaps they'll be temporary.  Perhaps not.  I hate change, as do most people.  It's unsettling, it gives me a headache.  But I'm convinced it makes us grow.  I'm trying really hard to do the right thing - to be proactive, to be brave, to be (ugh) thrifty.  I hate thrifty.  I hate limits.  But I do like to be comfortable and not scared, so that's one thing I need to discipline myself to be.  I need to stretch like Gumby and do things that aren't comfortable or familiar so I can reach my goals.  Sometimes life is just not fun.  I'm just praying that my "personal growth" won't involve forcing me to let the gray in my hair grow in.  Am I vain?  Yep - you bet I am.

8 comments:

  1. Loved this post Mom! I feel bad, when I talked to you today I had no idea you went through that. You and I can experience crazy scary change together! I just found out tonight that our stuff may not get to MA for another 10 business days-AWESOME-UGGG! So basically Zach drove straight through for nothing to get there in time for the movers and missed Gettysburg too because he was afraid he wouldn't make it. NOW instead of everything being set up when the girls and I fly in, there will be an empty house with nothing. I told Mia it would be silly when we got there and that we would all have to camp out in our house on the floor, lol. Whatta MESS!

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  2. That sounds like a hard day, but with Teresa's help, you carried it off well! I'm glad you had someone to hash it all over with after you left the office. I'll bet you were seething by then. I would have been needing to blow off some steam for sure. And laughter is one of the best ways to do that.

    I feel sure something good is just around the corner. How could it not be? You are just the kind of person I would want to work with.

    =)

    PS. Read Katie's comment and had to chuckle. Moving never does run smoothly, does it? Sheesh.

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  3. CLASS! That's what you have...class! You are a class act for sure and that's probably what drew me to your blog. You did it with grace and carried it off well. I'm sure you wowed them all and like I tell my daughter, "never burn a bridge". You never know who's watching or where it will lead.
    I'm so like you in that I still work to buy things for the kids, save for the things in life I don't want to do without and since the economy has changed, that is major. Life hands you funny "stuff" sometimes. You handle it well and are a good example for the rest of us!

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  4. Karen, you are right we DO grow when there is change. I hate change too. I am such a creature of habit.
    I know your day was hard...but it sounds like you handled it like an absolute pro and you are so right that good friends at work are a blessing! I love that British humor too! Always so clever!

    I have a feeling great things are around the corner for you and I agree with Sue--how could they not be? You are such a lovely person. :)

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  5. I already thought you were a really really awesome woman but this just shoots you up about 50 notches!
    It is incredible how you handled that with such integrity and grace - I honestly do not know if I could have done it without breaking down.
    I am so glad you have such a good friend who could help take part of that hurt and burden away.
    On to bigger and better things!

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  6. It's wonderful to have friends who can make us laugh when we want to SCREAM!!
    I feel for you. I hope everything works out. I hope you're not forced to let your gray grow in. :)

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  7. You are a class act! I'm thinking there really is a new chapter out there and I know it will be OK...you have what it takes to make this change. I'm with you on the vain lane too! In all business these days, the belt tightening is necessary and many times I'm tempted to sell everything and just sit back and not have to worry about anything. Well, what fun would that be??

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  8. Wow--you are just amazing! Way to set the example Sometimes I have such a hard time being the grown up. British humor is my favorite--you are the luckiest!

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