I'm going to be spending a Friday and Saturday with some friends at a women's conference in Long Beach. Time Out For Women. The ladies I'm going with all went last year (to Fresno!) and loved it so much they decided to go every year, and this year I got an invite. As with all things that disrupt my safe little routine, I was very excited to be invited and to attend, but now that it's tomorrow, I'm having my usual neurotic doubts and misgivings. What if my ankle acts up, what if I'm achey all weekend? What if I just want to come home? What will they think when they find out how much I really hobble around at the end of the day? What if I'm no fun? You see how my mind runs.
Add to the angst that I've lost 5 pounds, and I have a weekend of eating out ahead of me. I feel pretty confident at this point that I can be sensible, but I worry that I'll lose my mind and go rogue with a hot fudge sundae. Or lemon merengue pie. Mmmmmmm.... wait, where was I? Oh - so you see that if dessert's on the agenda I'll have to excuse myself, go up to my room, and take a shower or something.
It's when events like this come up that I realize that I never go anywhere anymore. I still have my corporate wardrobe - the things I'd wear to work everyday. But my weekend clothes have gotten shabby or (more likely) too tight. I tend to wear the same couple of things to everything, especially as the weather has moved from winter to spring. I just don't clean up that well lately. I've fallen in love with my yoga pants (so comfy, so soft, so forgiving!) and I feel like a cranky baby when I have to gird my loins with jeans or some other similarly tight pants. It's a real dilemma.
Today I went out shopping. A quick trip. I wasn't in the mood for a full on mall trip, so I just made a quick run to Birch Street Promenade. It's one quick block of movie theaters, shops and restaurants, and I can usually find something I like at Ann Taylor Loft. Not today though. I came back with one pair of cropped khakis. I was happy about that, but they had colored jeans in such gorgeous shades: cobalt blue, bright orange, fuschia pink, bright chartreuse. I wanted a pair desperately, but my caboose is just not in fighting form yet. 5 pounds is not enough of a loss. I made myself put them aside until I can be down at least 1 size, and they don't fit me like a second skin. Color like that is hard for me to resist because I just love looking at the color. Yummy, yummy color. I have a hard time telling myself that on my behind it's just a little too much color right now. *sigh*
So I contented myself with the boring yet reliable khakis. It'll be fine - I only need 2 days worth of clothes, and I always tend to over pack (another phobia of mine - I hate being caught without something I might need!)
I won't go on and bore you with the minutiae of The Diet (just because it consumes my life doesn't mean it should be a main event in yours) but I really am doing well. I've lost (mostly) my craving for sweets and snacks. Today was a little hard because I've had a headache ALL DAY - and that always makes me want to eat because maybe I'll feel better. But I didn't let myself get fooled by that today and stuck to my lean protein, my soy smoothie (blackberry chocolate - a winner!) and a cup of thawed frozen edamame beans with salt and pepper for a snack. Lots of water. For dinner? L is going to have to take me somewhere because we're out of food - well, there is nothing to cook for dinner except canned chili - PTOOIE! I should have gone to the store, but my head was aching... yes,yes, I know I managed to go pants shopping, but that's different. And for the record, I didn't feel well the entire time, so it wasn't all fun and games.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I'll be busy having fun with the ladies and secretly wishing I were home. (I know - I'm hopeless, but does no one else miss their own bed and their husband? Maybe I'm more weird than I think...) And then when I do get home, I'll remember it all as the best time ever. Next week, when I catch up with you all again, just see if I'm not right about that. For me, ladies night out is so much fun just before, and right after we actually are in the midst of it. But during it, a large group of women just makes me tongue-tied and lonely. Chalk it up to a loose screw; something haywire; a character flaw. But this is a new, untried group of friends, and I am getting older (and hopefully better) so hope springs eternal, and I go off with optimism. Sort of.